Now that my brain is back to semi-normal, it’s time to organize some thoughts. I ordered The Pesthouse from Amazon (for like 7 bucks!) and started reading it last night. I’m a sucker for post-apo lit, though this one is way after the “incident” that caused it. It’s pretty good so far, we’ll see how it pans out.
Society in the book has reverted to an original colonies feel, and even the language structures the characters use is off-kilter. It’s not going to be The Road, but it’ll do.
Okay, I’ve calmed down. I feel slightly better now. I didn’t do the videos tonight like I kind of sort of planned to, but I’ll just do them tomorrow.
I’ve been so tired when I get home from work I wanna just go to sleep. I took a brief nap today, but now I’m pretty tired again. The monotony of this job is really getting to me, as it has been for, oh, three years now. The fact that I don’t do much there makes it worse. It’s not easy keeping oneself semi-entertained while maintaining at least the illusion of doing some- any- work.
Tomorrow I should work on the play, or the rewrite, or something. Anything.
I’m off to bed.
I’m losing my shit. I feel seriously on the verge of a nervous breakdown. My temper is lawn-gnome short, and people keep asking me to do shit– like random, dumb shit that they should either know about or find some other way to learn it. Fix my resume. Set up my DSL. Make this program work. Show me where this is. Help me with that thing.
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That’s me slamming my fingers down on my keyboard, since I can’t pick the fucking thing up and throw it out the fucking window. Maybe I’m more off on my paxil than I thought. I have a pill box thing with the days of the week on it, and I’ve skipped one by mistake here and there. It must be adding up, because I’m going out of my goddamn tree here. And it’s 3:30. And it’s Monday. Not that it matters, since the weather’s the same, the place is the same, and every day of every week of every goddamn year is exactly the goddamn same.
Ok, I feel a little bit better. I think. I’m gonna go bang my head into something real quick.
I woke up this morning around 8:20 with a massive, splitting headache. I think it’s from looking at a computer all day. Or from not eating well. Or from not exercising. Guess this one’s just another mystery!
Random pic from google image search for Autumn. Why? Dunno. Monday, I guess?
Fall, traditionally, has been my favorite season, with winter a close second. In the mountains, fall was absolutely spectacular. I can still smell the air, it was so crisp and cool, and for a couple weeks out of the season, everything looked like it was on fire. Most stunning colors you’ve ever seen. Then the first snow, which, as a kid (and admittedly thereafter), was elating.
Don’t get seasons out here, really. Summer is a slightly hotter version of spring, which itself is a warmer variant of fall and winter. I probably wouldn’t be able to tell where one started and another began if it weren’t getting dark out earlier now.
It’s hard to believe I’ve been out here almost four years now. I’m still in the job I told myself would help pay the rent until I got something going, and I haven’t really done what I came out here to do. Not in the sense of “sell a screenplay”, but at least pursue it on a more rigorous basis. Which is to say, at all. I have a script here beside me I finished months ago, waiting for a rewrite I’ve barely started.
I feel, like I’m sure most people do, that 30 will prove to me some kind of catalyst. To my credit, I’ve already begun getting my shit together, as it were, and I feel generally really optomistic about the coming year/decade/rest of life thing. I thought I’d be in a slightly different place by now; hoped I would, at least, but in retrospect this is the only place I could be given what I’ve done or haven’t done. I speculated I might be married, of all things, though I’ve been single for the duration of my time out here, and the only tryst I can think of (okay, the only one that happened) was not my shining hour.
I’m not trying to be down on myself- another facet of my personality I’d like to be able to deal with better (see? I kinda did it there)- I just really, really want things to work out. But of course, hoping makes no difference, and I can’t keep treating things like they’re just magically going to come together. Like my credit, for example, will one day when I’m mature just be great. I’ll do the wife thing, the house thing, the travel thing, the kids thing, without having the slightest idea of how to even do any of that. I’m rambling here, I think, but my point is I’ve always expected things to just kind of “work out”, without any serious work or conscious effort on my behalf.
So, we’re heading into October, the last one of my illustrious 20s, and I’d like to have things awesome and ready to go by the time November fourth rolls around.
Yep, it’s a mouse. There’s a space between my bathroom cupboard and the wall. Somewhere back there in the darkness are 4 mangled Raid ant traps and one very sick rodent.
OK, the Flickr widget is now displaying my pictures. I’m going to be putting up a ton of shit, so take ‘em with multiple grains of salt.
Oh, here’s the camera. Cute for an entry level.
So… I picked up a camera, a cheap 139 dollar Sony Cybershot 7.1 MP- with no viewfinder. Which I found out about when I opened it in the car. Oh well, what can you do. The screen is decent, the options suck, and overall, it will serve my purposes. I just wanna take pictures every day. I’m not going to spend multiple hundreds until I can somehow justify it.
Was browsing the interwebs and, on a whim, popped over to Facebook, the last place on the internet I’m not registered with. I’ve resisted for some time, and, having just joined, I have absolutely no desire to go back. Just looking around made me feel old as shit. It’s not just “collegy”. It’s fucking hyper-super-collegy. Sports teams, fake and real tans, pictures of kegs and people in the process of drinking them, nonsensical comments about beaches and shit… no. I’m not putting myself through that. I’m not going around poking people, and I’m not going to try to stay on top of one more goddamn social bullshit 2.0 network thing. I’ve had it.
I know it seems as if I’m insanely late to facebook, and I am, for this reason. It was a college thing. College kids liked it. Fine, good for them. But then they opened it, since they’re run by a greedy fucking Ivy League douchebag. Now, myspace refugees. It’s only a matter of time before the whole thing goes to shit. I want no part of it, you hear me! None! Did I mention my youngest brother has a page? I’m regretting having it auto send out requests. He’ll probably quit now. Christ, I hate the goddamn internet. This whole “social” thing is getting out of fucking control. As if I wasn’t already bombared with useless bullshit (coworkers, etc.), now I have to hear about what every idiot on the planet is listening too, watching, reading (rarely). And, shock of shocks, it’s all pretty much the same. In fact, I’ll bet I could assign 99 percent of myspace/facebook users to 3 categories. I don’t have the interest to define those categories, so maybe 3 is being a bit generous.
So I’m committed to a WoW raid tonight which is, of course taking forever. Mike is calling bugging me to play Halo 3, which I would much rather be doing. I’m seriously bored out of my skull here. Anyway, it’s the weekend at least, and I’m determined to put the organization system in partial place this weekend. Almost bought camera today, but ended up not. Probably should have.
Anyway, it was overcast today, which was a nice change of pace. Always good to see changes in weather.
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Twittage Music List
